The fatty in the mirror is me

I find myself keep looking at the mirrors to see if i've lost weight, already.

Well, no.

I hate what i see.

Wikipedia: definition of mirror; something that faithfully reflects or gives a true picture of something else.

Worn off

The D's effect has worn off. I'm going for buffet sushi now. Thinking of food in the midst of a hectic work schedule. It used to last me 2 to 3 days but only half now.

Illusion

I wonder if one of the side effect is illusion. I actually look slimmer. This morning, i thought i look good in the mirror. And that was just 1 hour after i took D. Must be illusions.

As it turns out

First thing this morning, i had carvings for noodles. So i met up with friends for a feast. Yes, i'm still not on a diet. I still put duromine on hold. The only reason is that i am a glutton. I had even planned a food list for tomorrow. Ok, monday is THE day.

I had turned down my cousin's son's birthday party tomorrow, & another cousin's wedding on next Sun. I made up stupid excuses. The slim me loves such occasions. But the fat me now just want to stay at home.

21 November 2009
- $80 on sushi
- noodles
- 10 dumplings
- 2 luncheon bread
- 6 inch subway
- 1 whole packet fried crackers
- 2 cups soya bean freeze

What not.

Every night after i puked, i'd make plans on how NOT to binge the next day.

Every morning when i wake up, i'd be thinking of what to feast on.

I'm a glutton & i can't help it.

This is the moment

I got duromine...! But now that i've it, i'm hoping it won't fail on me cos the last time when i overused it it lost its effectiveness. I'm going to start tmw for 1 month. If there's anything that is stopping me is the headache. One of the worst side effects i got to deal with.

19 November 2009
- 2 x wanton mee
- 3 hotdog buns
- 10 sticks biscuits
- 1 mini red bean mooncake
- 1 whole crab
- rice with salted veg, pork, eggs
- Honey milk tea with pearls

i-slim advertisement reads: Lose 3kg in 3 days! 6 kg in 6 days! I wished even half of it is true (means 1.5kg). I wish.

Office lift

The lift to my office has mirrors on 4 sides. Every morning it just spoil my entire day at work.

What has become of me

For the past 1-2 years i've been gaining weight & losing confidence in building relationships with people. I've put on 5KG & i'm still adding up. In the office, i used to like attention & often raised my opinions. I worked overtime. Now, i don't stay in longer than 3pm. I know its obvious i'm so much fatter & that everyone is talking.

These days i dressed shabbily cos i can't fit into all my best clothes. I brought 5 tees to last me for 5 working days. They are L sizes. I brought 5 cos i tell myself its only temporary. Soon i'd be slim again. I look at all my S-tees & i now think that'd hardly be possible. I never imagined i've to buy L one day. Not in my life. I used to ask the salespersons if they've XS. People always asked me to eat more cos i was so skinny. I've not heard that for the longest time now. In fact, now when i eat they think i'm a glutton. Which is true.

5KG is alot.

When i watch starving people in Africa on NatGeo, i think to myself that means if i don't eat i'd be thin. I just wonder how long it takes.

I'm going to try lay hands on duromine again. This time i need a plan. I'll drink tons of water to make myself heavier. Then i'll achieve the BMI for duromine. Pls let it work.

Missing out

For the past 2yrs, i've avoided attending weddings, parties & all sorts of family/ friends' gathering. I don't feel good looking fat. I was so stressed shopping for the right clothes & trying to lose weight hoping i'd make it in time for the event. I am still fighting & still missing out.

Duromine

AhhhhhaAHhhh..., since the law has passed down on duromine, i can't buy them anymore! I went shopping for clinics & all 6 rejected my pleas to purchase. I've tried Ocean Minus Fats Extra, i-slim & Slimdown but they don't work on me!!! Crap. I dread looking at mirrors!

Lunch

I just had lunch & i am feeling extremely fat. I hate myself for feeling hungry.

I am F A T

Current weight 51 KG!

Yesterday i was at my granny's house & this bastard exclaimed in front of the family that i am fat. He said: "OMG, isn't she fat...?! Look at her round chubby face! She looks disgusting doesn't she? " He said those while staring down at me & poking my face. And then the rest of the family agreed. They nodded their heads disapprovingly. Almost in sympathy. I HATE MYSELF!