The fatty in the mirror is me

I find myself keep looking at the mirrors to see if i've lost weight, already.

Well, no.

I hate what i see.

Wikipedia: definition of mirror; something that faithfully reflects or gives a true picture of something else.

Worn off

The D's effect has worn off. I'm going for buffet sushi now. Thinking of food in the midst of a hectic work schedule. It used to last me 2 to 3 days but only half now.

Illusion

I wonder if one of the side effect is illusion. I actually look slimmer. This morning, i thought i look good in the mirror. And that was just 1 hour after i took D. Must be illusions.

As it turns out

First thing this morning, i had carvings for noodles. So i met up with friends for a feast. Yes, i'm still not on a diet. I still put duromine on hold. The only reason is that i am a glutton. I had even planned a food list for tomorrow. Ok, monday is THE day.

I had turned down my cousin's son's birthday party tomorrow, & another cousin's wedding on next Sun. I made up stupid excuses. The slim me loves such occasions. But the fat me now just want to stay at home.

21 November 2009
- $80 on sushi
- noodles
- 10 dumplings
- 2 luncheon bread
- 6 inch subway
- 1 whole packet fried crackers
- 2 cups soya bean freeze

What not.

Every night after i puked, i'd make plans on how NOT to binge the next day.

Every morning when i wake up, i'd be thinking of what to feast on.

I'm a glutton & i can't help it.

This is the moment

I got duromine...! But now that i've it, i'm hoping it won't fail on me cos the last time when i overused it it lost its effectiveness. I'm going to start tmw for 1 month. If there's anything that is stopping me is the headache. One of the worst side effects i got to deal with.

19 November 2009
- 2 x wanton mee
- 3 hotdog buns
- 10 sticks biscuits
- 1 mini red bean mooncake
- 1 whole crab
- rice with salted veg, pork, eggs
- Honey milk tea with pearls

i-slim advertisement reads: Lose 3kg in 3 days! 6 kg in 6 days! I wished even half of it is true (means 1.5kg). I wish.

Office lift

The lift to my office has mirrors on 4 sides. Every morning it just spoil my entire day at work.

What has become of me

For the past 1-2 years i've been gaining weight & losing confidence in building relationships with people. I've put on 5KG & i'm still adding up. In the office, i used to like attention & often raised my opinions. I worked overtime. Now, i don't stay in longer than 3pm. I know its obvious i'm so much fatter & that everyone is talking.

These days i dressed shabbily cos i can't fit into all my best clothes. I brought 5 tees to last me for 5 working days. They are L sizes. I brought 5 cos i tell myself its only temporary. Soon i'd be slim again. I look at all my S-tees & i now think that'd hardly be possible. I never imagined i've to buy L one day. Not in my life. I used to ask the salespersons if they've XS. People always asked me to eat more cos i was so skinny. I've not heard that for the longest time now. In fact, now when i eat they think i'm a glutton. Which is true.

5KG is alot.

When i watch starving people in Africa on NatGeo, i think to myself that means if i don't eat i'd be thin. I just wonder how long it takes.

I'm going to try lay hands on duromine again. This time i need a plan. I'll drink tons of water to make myself heavier. Then i'll achieve the BMI for duromine. Pls let it work.

Missing out

For the past 2yrs, i've avoided attending weddings, parties & all sorts of family/ friends' gathering. I don't feel good looking fat. I was so stressed shopping for the right clothes & trying to lose weight hoping i'd make it in time for the event. I am still fighting & still missing out.

Duromine

AhhhhhaAHhhh..., since the law has passed down on duromine, i can't buy them anymore! I went shopping for clinics & all 6 rejected my pleas to purchase. I've tried Ocean Minus Fats Extra, i-slim & Slimdown but they don't work on me!!! Crap. I dread looking at mirrors!

Lunch

I just had lunch & i am feeling extremely fat. I hate myself for feeling hungry.

I am F A T

Current weight 51 KG!

Yesterday i was at my granny's house & this bastard exclaimed in front of the family that i am fat. He said: "OMG, isn't she fat...?! Look at her round chubby face! She looks disgusting doesn't she? " He said those while staring down at me & poking my face. And then the rest of the family agreed. They nodded their heads disapprovingly. Almost in sympathy. I HATE MYSELF!

21 June 2009
- nasi lemak
- mee with egg, hashbrown & meat
- bee hoon
- 25 soda crackers
- honey milk tea
- 3 egg tart
I am 50.5kg now!!!! Omg i am fat!

15 June 2009
- bak kut teh (papa cooked)
- 5 pcs sotong balls
- 6 prawn takos
- 5 chives meat kuays
- 3 pratas (2 plain 1 egg)

17 June 2009
- bak kut teh (jurong with dad)
- long john (IMM)
- 1 stick crispy sotong
- taiwan crispy chicken

16 June 2009
- curry rice (jurong point with dad)
- bbq sotong
- pepper hotdog bun

19 June 2009
- 2 cups honey milk tea
- nasi lemak
- bee hoon with egg, hashbrown & meat
- 2 bbq sotong
- rice with durian

20 June 2009
- nasi lemak
- bee hoon with egg, hashbrown & meat
- 2 cups honey milk tea
- 1 blue coral ice blended
- 1 ice jelly
- fried oyster egg

8 June 2009
- 2 pcs KFC
- 1 med fries
- popcorn chicken $24.90
- tomyam seafood handmade noodles $4
- vegetarian mee
- 3 caps

9 June 2009
- vegetarian curry veggies $2
- vegetarian meat & beancurd $2
- 2 bowls bak kut teh $8
- rice

11 June 2009
Celebrate dad's birthday. BBQ buffet dinner @ Sunset Way.

13 June 2009
Went Bugis junction with dad. Fu Lu Shou Complex
- prawn mee soup $4
- fish nuggets
- KFC winglets
- claypot fish head
- 2 pcs fried chicken wings
- egg tart
-

7 June 2009
Went Jurong West & shopping with dad at west mall.
- bak kut teh $4.50
- rice
- 3 fried meatballs $3
- fried pig intestine (yucks) $4
- vegetarian claypot rice $4
- delifrance seafood sandwich
- tomyam seafood handmade noodles $4
- blue coral ice blended $1.80
- 3 caps

5 June 2009
Took half day & went Sin Ming for bak kut teh. It tastes horrible. No way i'm going to patronize again.
- bak kut teh with rice & fried dough stick $16
- 2 green bean cakes
- 2 red bean cakes
- 3 yam cakes
- 1 banana fritter
- 2 coconut & sweet potato combi $6
- 1 chicken burger with egg
- 1 fish burger with egg
- 3 caps

6 June 2009
Grandpa's 77 birthday.
- wanton mee
- bee hoon with egg n hashbrown
- chili crab
- prawns
- rice
- curry chicken
- 3 caps

4 June 2009
- 2 bowls bak kut teh $8
- rice
- fried dough stick
- rice with pork & tau pok $4.50
- old melon soup $2
- 12 bbq chicken wings $18
- 3 caps

1 June 2009
- 2 x curry rice $6
- vegetarian claypot rice
- 25 marie biscuits with coffee
- 3 caps

2 June 2009
- nasi lemak $1.20
- rice with egg, pork cutlet, veggies & luncheon meat $ 3.50
- fish soup $5
- bbq stingray $8
- bbq crayfish $12
- rice
- 3 caps

3 June 2009
- delifrance seafood baguette $8
- 8 seeds durian
- rice with chicken $3.50
- maggie mee with 8 meatballs
- 3 caps

31 May 2009
- rice with pork ribs and egg
- mee hoon with egg and meat
- 2 ramly burger $6
- 1 cup noodle
- 3 donuts
- 2 caps

26 May 2009
- 3 pcs thai beancurd
- filet o' fish burger
- prawn soup noodles
- 2 cup noodles

27 May 2009
- 1 nonya bak chang $3
- 1 meat bak chang $3
- rice with meat
- old melon soup $2
- rice with meat

28 May 2009
- fish soup $5
- 5 slices cake (mango, yam, brownie, blackforest & durian) $10
- chicken burger with egg

29 May 2009
- lor mee $3
- 3 pcs thai beancurd $3
- rice with meat $3
- old melon soup $2
- rice with chicken cutlet

30 May 2009
- 1 meat bak chang $3
- 1 nonya bak chang $3
- 2 packets prawn soup noodles
- 12 shrimp wanton
- 4 cans coconut drink
- 1 pack potato sticks
- chicken cutlet set with fish filet
- 3 slices bbq pork
- 3 donuts
- fried oyster egg
- 3 caps

I've been taking Ocean pills for a month now..., i see NO results. Diet pills are a scam.

21 May 2009
- prawn mee soup $3
- rice $3.70
- 2 x clams $6
- chicken congee
- 2 caps

22 May 2009
- 2 x vegetarian bee hoon
- 2 cups honey milk tea with pearls

23 May 2009
- 1 loaf raisin bread
- 25 soda biscuits
- Mac hashbrown
- bee hoon with egg & meat
- tomyam seafood handmade noodles
- 4 x indian bee hoon

24 May 2009
- rice with steamed egg, pork & fish filet $3.20
- nonya bakchang $3
- meat bakchang $3
- rice with fish, chicken & pork chop
- old melon soup
- chicken burger with egg
- Mac sausage muffin with egg

25 May 2009
- 6 x thai beancurd $6
- chicken rice $3.70
- 2 caps

20 May 2009
I've many painful ulcers on my tongue...!
- rice with meat & veggies $3
- 8 pcs vegetarian fried prawns
- tomyam handmade noodles $3.80
- 2 caps

16 May 2009
- prawn mee soup $3
- 15 cream crackers
- rice with meat & veg $3.80
- 2 plates clams $6
- yam paste

17 May 2009
Grandma's birthday buffet party.
- vegetarian hokkien mee
- bee hoon with egg &meat $2
- bee hoon mee with egg & meat $2
- Raisin bread
- 3 caps

18 May 2009
Vegetarian dinner with dad.
5 dishes
- sweet & sour fish, curry fish, prawn, claypot veggies, fried chicken $38
- rojak $3

19 May 2009
- char siew rice with roast meat
- 2 plates fried beancurd
- vegetarian claypot veggies, fish, bittergourd soup, curry fish $25
- 2 caps

Here's a photo of my full tummy before puke. Can hardly breathe!

12 May 2009

- Bali Thai with dad. 4 side dishes & pineapple rice (taste horrible!) $60.50

- 1 bowl spaghetti

- 6 old chang kee chicken wings

- claypot rice

- soft shell crab

- 6 caps

13 May 2009

- yong tau foo $6.80

- 24 pcs milo chocs $3.50

- rice with filet & pork $3

- hazelnut coffee

- 3 sardine puff

14 May 2009

- 2 curry rice with egg & meat $5

- fish soup $5

- 2 cans longan & sea coconut

15 May 2009

- nasi Lemak $3.50

- sotong $3

- glutinous rice $2

- 2 spicy seafood cup noodles

- hazelnut coffee with 5 cream crackers

- 2 caps

7 May 2009
- 2 bowls tomyam seafood handmade noodles $7.40
- 1 durian puff
- 1 curry chicken puff
- 1 reg pizza (4 slices)
- 2 slices pandan chiffon cake
- 3 caps

8 May 2009
- 1 fishbowl soup noodles $2.50
-1 mee siam $2
- 1 nasi lemak $2.50
- coffee with cream crackers
- rojak $3
- chicken rice $3.50
- half black pepper chicken $5.50
- 4 cups ice blended

9 May 2009
- 1 bowl lor mee $3
- 2 kfc shrooms burger
- 1 bowl tomyam seafood noodles
- 2 slices pandan chiffon
- 2 pkt vegetarian bee hoon
- half black pepper chicken

10 May 2009
- 1 mac big breakfast
- 1 hotcakes with sausage $16.50
- bee hoon with egg & luncheon meat
- 4 cups soya bean drink

11 May 2009
- 8 bowls spaghetti with 10 pcs nuggets $25
- 1 tomyam seafood noodles
- 5 steamed dumplings
- 5 fry dumplings $8.50
- 4 caps

4 May 2009
Took half day leave & went for lunch with dad at West Mall, then dinner at Bt Gombak and later to shop n save supermarket.
- 12 plates sushi $45
- coffee with 12 cream crackers
- Claypot fish head $18
- 2 caps
Didn't eat much but puked quite late into the night so most food stayed down. I feel i'm getting fat and fatter. Should join the gym soon.

21 April 2009
- curry rice with pork $2.50
- fried carrot cake (black) $2
- 2 big pau
- yam rice with pig organ soup $5
- 1 durian puff
- curry chicken with rice $4.50
- curry pork with rice $4.50
- 3 hershey's peanut butter chocs

22 April 2009
- rice with pork chop & bean spouts
- pringles
- 2 sticks sotong balls (old chang kee) $9
- 2 plates clams $6

23 April 2009
- pringles
- prawn mee soup $3
- 4 pcs sushi handrolls $17
- 4 pcs lobster salad sushi
- 2 KFC shrooms burger $11.40
- fish soup $5
- 2 durian puff

24 April 2009
- vegetarian bee hoon
- vegetarian nasi lemak with ham
- 5 sticks old chang kee
- 2 lobster salad sushi
- 2 sets KFC spicy winglets (20 pcs)
- coffee with 15 cream crackers

25 April 2009
- bee hoon with egg & luncheon meat $1.80
- 5 pcs indian bee hoon with sugar & coconut $3
- nasi lemak $2.50
- rice with pork chop & bean spouts
- 2 plates clams $8.10

26 April 2009
- 12 bbq wings $14.40
- 1 box KFC winglets (10 pcs) $17.60
- rice with bean spouts & meat $3

27 April 2009
Took half day leave & went Sheng Siong with dad. Had lunch at its food court.
- 3 prawn fritters
- chicken spagetti $4
- tauhu goreng $2.50
- 4 pcs otak with bread
- 1 box KFC winglets (10 pcs)
- 4 bbq wings
- 1 KFC shrooms burger
- 1 seafood cup noodles
- 3 caps

28 April 2009
Took half day leave & ate lunch with dad at Jurong West.
- vegetarian claypot rice $3
- 3 green bean cakes
- 1 salted cake
- 1 red bean cake
- 1 durian puff
- claypot fishhead with rice $18
- 4 otak with bread

29 April 2009
- nasi lemak $2.50
- chicken rice $3
- rice with beancurd & pork
- 2 plates pepper clams $8.40
- 3 caps

30 April 2009
- 1 delifrance seafood baguette $7.40
- tauhu goreng $3
- 4 lobster salad sushi $26
- 2 sushi handrolls
- 6 bbq wings $14
- ham & mushroom spagetti $6
- 2 durian puffs
- 1 chicken curry puff

1 May 2009
- 4 otak with bread
- 1 sushi handroll
- 2 lobster salad sushi
- prawn mee soup with 8 pcs seafood beancurd
- fishball noodles (dry)
- fried kuay teow
- 6 bbq wings
- pringles
- 3 caps

2 May 2009
- 2 half boiled eggs with iced milo $2.30
- 1 whole french loaf
- 2 lobster salad sushi
- rice with pork & veggies
- 2 plates clams $9
- shrimp dumpling soup (6 pcs) $3

20 April 2009
- 1 bowl prawn soup noodles $3
- 1 bowl mee rebus $3
- Pringles sour cream
- Half spring chicken
- 6 siewmai (very fatty!) $3
- 1 bar nutty chocs

19 April 2009
- Mee with egg & hashbrown $2
- Beehoon with fish cake & hashbrown $2
- 4 pcs indian beehoon with coconut & brown sugar $4
- 3 cups milo with 12 pcs cream crackers $6
- Half spring chicken
- Curry rice with bean spouts and pork $3

18 April 2009
- 2 charsiew pie
- 1 sardine pie
- Pringles sour cream
- 1 otak bread
- Half spring chicken with fries $7
- 2 plates clams $6
- Rojak $3

17 April 2009
- 3 plain prata
- 2 egg prata
- Chicken congee with fried doughnut $3.50
- Rice with meat $3.70
- 2 fried chicken wings
- 3 slices Vienetta choc ice cream

16 April 2009
- Mee with egg & hashbrown $2
- Mee goreng with hotdog & egg $2.50
- 2 cups milo
- 1 french loaf
- 2 seafood cup noodles
- 1 pkt crackers

8 April 2009
- pepper crab
- 2 pcs KFC crispy
- 2 cups mango ice blended $4
- 1 bowl yam paste
- 1 plate lor mee $2.50
- 1 loaf garlic bread

9 April 2009
- pepper crab
- 1 plate mee with egg & hashbrown $2
- 1 pcs KFC crispy
- Sour cream Pringles
- 5 Hershey's peanut butter cups
- 2 plates veg rice $7
- 1 cup blue coral ice blended $2

10 April 2009
- 1 fish cake
- 1 set chicken pepper lunch (Jurong Point) $35
- 1 pkt 100g potato sticks $6
- 1 plate curry rice $5
- 1 fried spring chicken $7
- 1 peanut waffle $1.50

11 April 2009
- 8 pcs sushi $8
- 1 blue coral ice blended $2
- 1 pkt Twistes
- 1 plate chicken chop $5
- 1 plate hokkien mee $3

12 April 2009
- 1 plate mee siam $2
- 1 plate pork minced noodles $2.50
- 1 bowl prawn mee soup $3
- 6 pcs bread $6
- Sour cream Pringles
- 1 plate curry rice
- 2 cups honey milk tea with pearls $3

13 April 2009
- 1 plate vegs $2
- 1 plate sotong $3
- 1 bowl curry chicken with bread & rice $4.50
- 1 bowl pork ribs curry chicken (Jurong East with Dad)
- 1 durian puff (24hrs!) $4.80
- 1 plate rice with egg & fillet $11.30
- 1 plate rice with fries & hotdog
- Collon strawberry rolls $1

Went Jurong East with dad & baby. The expected waiting time at the clinic was 2 hrs so we gave up waiting after an hour or so, cos i was getting mad. I regret asking my dad to give it a miss.

14 April 2009
- 1 bowl prawn mee soup (TPY market with dad, took half day leave)
- 3 pcs fried yam $2
- 12 pcs tu tu cakes $6
- 1 plate curry vegs $2
- Fried chicken
- 5 sticks satay
- 1 plate sweet & sour pork rice with egg $4.50
- 4 Hershey's peanut butter cups
- 4 caps Ocean

Dad intended to visit the docs at 7pm, but he overslept.

15 April 2009
- 1 plate vegetarian sweet & sour pork rice $4.50
- crabs $50
- rojak $3
- 1 spring fried chicken $7
- 1 bowl sharksfin
- 1 taiwan sausage
- 1 blue coral ice blended

Took 2 days' mc, went shopping with dad to buy crabs. He also brought some new pots just so to cook! The pots didn't fit, & we had to make 2 trips. We went to Bt Timah NTUC & Gombak, & in the end he missed his doctor appointment 3rd time.

- 1 plate chicken rice with egg & roasted pork $4
- 1 plate fried carrot cake $2
- 1 plate mee with egg & meat $2
- 2 cups honey milk tea with pearls $2.40
- 4 hazelnut wafers
- 1 plate rice with curry chicken $5
- 3 slices pizza
- 2 caps Ocean

- 1 plate curry rice with egg, pork chop & potato $2.50
- 1 plate curry rice with vegs, pork chop & bean curd $2.50
- 1 bowl fish soup $5
- 5 hazelnut wafers
- 2 cups blue coral ice blended $3.60
- 2 pkts green pea snacks $2
- 4 tako prawn balls $2.50
- 4 caps Ocean

- 1 bowl pork minced noodles $2.50
- 1 plate mee with egg and hashbrown $2
- 1 bowl chicken congee with fried doughnut $3.20
- 1 plate fried carrot cake $2
- 1 packet Reese's chocs
- 3 pcs hazelnut wafers
- 6 slices hawaiian pizza (it arrived 1hr late & was served cold & hard) $30.10
- 1 loaf garlic bread (it was cold & burnt!)
- 4 caps Ocean Minus Fat Extra (took double cos' most of the pizza didn't come up since it was dry)

- 1 set Long John Silver's fish & chips
- 3 pcs fish fingers
- 1 cup blue coral ice blended with pearls $1.80
- 4 tako prawn balls $2.50 (from Lot1. BPP only selling at $2.30 & tastier)
- 1 hard boiled egg
- 2 pcs KFC original $19.50
- 1 spicy seafood cup noodles
- 1 280g bowl yam paste with lotus $2.30
- Pringles' sour cream chips
- 2 caps Ocean Minus Fat Extra

Today there's a gathering at Uncle Andrew's house but I chose to stay home alone & binge... cos when he called, I was already buying food & can't wait to eat!

- 8 pcs tako prawn balls $4.60
- 1 bowl prawn soup noodles $3
- 1 pc crispy chicken cutlet $3.50
- 6 pcs Long John's shrimps $14.10
- 1 cup blue coral ice blended with pearls $2
- 6 dodo's fish balls $1.90
- 1 fish burger with egg $2.50
- 1 chicken burger with egg $2.50
- 2 pcs hazelnut wafer from Candy Empire $5.60
- 2 caps Ocean Minus Fat Extra

- 1 plate curry rice with pork chop + bean spouts $3.50
- 5 pcs chicken wings
- 1 can 184g Planters' Mixed Nuts (peanuts, cashews, almonds, brazil nuts, hazelnuts & pecans)
- 4 slices kaya & butter toast
- 1 bowl fried fish soup $4.50
- 2 pcs (2x 22g) Ferrero wafer $2
- 1 50g caramel wafer chocs from Candy Empire (Carbo 68.4g, Fat 20.5g, 498kcal! omg, they shld be banned) $1.50
- 1 cup iced milo $1.20
- 2 caps Ocean Minus Fat Extra

- 1 plate of clams (about 25 pcs) $4
- 1 bowl of curry mixed veg $3
- 2 pcs of bbq fish $4
- 1 bowl of tomyam seafood noodles $4
- 2 cups of hot milo $1
- 2 pcs of Hershey's peanut butter chocs
- 2 capsules Ocean Minus Fat Extra*

* Information from: http://www.oceanhealth.com/healthcare_physicalappearance_index.shtml
Each Capsule contains: OZORB - 200mg Gymnema Sylvestre Extract - 62.5mg Chromium Polynicotinate - 0.15mg.
Features & Benefits
• Give a maximum binding capacity of 32x its weight of dietary fat
• Expel fat from the body naturally without oily stools
• Reduce absorption of dietary fat and subsequently, reduce the fat in the body
• Maintain healthy lipid levels

Thinking of food

I'm at work but seriously thinking of what to binge when I get home. I can't wait to leave to buy food. I'm hungry! Yummy yummy

I weigh 42 ~ 55Kg

Height: 1.6m
Lightest: 42Kg
Heaviest: 55Kg
Present: 48Kg (2009)


29 March
- 4 slices kaya & butter toast
- 1 med fries
- 1 pckt Nasi Lemak (otak, egg, chicken wing)
- 1 seafood cup noodles
- 5 x chicken wings
- 5 sticks satay

30 March
- 5 x chicken wings
- 1 seafood cup noodles
- 3 pcs Subway cookies

31 March
- 1 set Chicken Pepper Lunch (miso, salad, med pepsi)
- Mixed rice (egg, pork chop, vegs)
- 8 pcs Hershey's peanut butter chocs