Once too big now too small.

I found a t-shirt which i had kept away cos it was too big sized. Tonight i put it on, its too small too tight. What have i become?!

Much too little

Only when u binge, then u've enough to puke. I thought i can start losing some weight by eating less. Backfired. Tonight these junks stay in cos i was unable to push them out. AND just when i finished Xenical last night. Tomorrow, a fatter me.
- 2 slices pandan cakes
- 2 plates nasi lemak (coconut rice, fried chicken wing, fried peanuts, onion egg, fry prawns)
- half pepper chicken.

"Oh, hey, you still look the same!"

My ex-manager came to the office on Wednesday. I waved to her when i saw her from a distance. She took a minute, then said, almost embarrassingly, "Oh, hey, you still look the same!". And i knew what she meant. I am double the size now from we last met 4 years ago. Her shocked & disgusted expression gave her away.

No life

I was planning to attend our company's chalet today. I fed my dog early at 5pm, then showered, styled my hair, & was getting dressed at 5.30pm. By 6pm, i decided not to go cos i don't look good in any clothes.

I told myself last night that i mustn't miss this again, & promised to go no matter what. I had even arranged to meet a colleague at 7.30pm, then go shop for party food. But i can't when i've no clothes to wear! It'd be a shame if i had to go wearing my old clothes, the usual ones which i wear to work everyday. I found pretty ones but i can't fit them anymore!

I hate it when i've to make really stupid excuses not to turn up tonight. I really wanted to go. I'm sure no one's going to invite me again cos for the past 4 years i always backed out last minute like today.

Now, 3 smses just came in, my fellow colleagues say they'd really like to see me there. Its Mothers' Day today & that is my excuse for tonight. Now, the irony is that i've also told my family i'm not going for dinner cos i've company's party.

Another sms from my cousins. Telling me they are missing me at grandma's. I'm just going to cry.

Put on weight

This morning, 48KG. OMG.